I'm Embarassed

Tonight we had our greatly anticipated Contemporary Carols at our church (St. Mary's Reigate). Lots of work had gone into it, from prayer writing to decorating a rather old stone church with tinsel and fairy lights. I was leading our 9-strong band of young people, all very skilled and enthusiastic musicians, and I'd spent lots of time writing out music for some new arrangements (many courtesy of Sir Chris Tomlin). So, all was set.
 
The band and I met up at 3:30pm to set up and to practise. The practise went well, if not a little slow - carols aren't the easiest things to play, most of them WAY more complicated than 'How Great Is Our God'. But it all seemed to work out as I had planned, and with me feeling a little bit stressed the group of us walked to Cafe Nero to join some more of our youth group. A quick bit of playdough pictionary later, we all headed for church.

Time to play.

Think of all the things that could go wrong for a worship leader during a service. Starting in the wrong key, playing songs too high, playing difficult arrangements that no-one knows, and losing a string half-way through a final energetic carol putting you out of action for those last few chords. Yeah, it happened. All of it.

Despite an amazing talk from our youth pastor and some great songs, I couldn't wait to get back to my seat after that final song. I felt embarassed. Lots of our youth group had persuaded their friends and family to come along, many of whom might not have been to church in a very long time, my mum and my sister included. I'd let them down with what I felt was a shoddy worship set and a comedy of errors. I felt like I'd let God down. I felt like breaking down in tears.

I was to feel even more embarassed when I realised that starting in the wrong key (then apologising and starting again) served as a good ice breaker ('Oops I did it again'). That the songs weren't 'too high', that people were inspired by the fresh arrangements, that people were still able to worship despite the broken string and despite songs not going as we'd rehearsed. That people had a wonderful evening. I felt embarassed because I'd taken my eyes off the prize. I was too focused on what I was doing, the chords and the lyrics of the songs, and not focused enough on what God was doing.

God used me and all our young people to our full potential tonight, and I'm embarassed that for a few minutes I thought that He hadn't and that I'd let Him down. He moves in awesome ways, and I've been reminded tonight that they probably won't be the ways you expect. If you're serving Him, He's got it sorted. If you're youth group are running a service this Christmas, I encourage you to let them loose and let God do the rest, because I guarantee you it will be fantastic. Thank God for Christmas.

Oh, and those friends of our young people that hadn't been to church before? They want to come again next Sunday.